Episode 10

MY V.I.
(a soap opera)

"What's ringing?" Cindy asked.

Simza grabbed her enormous bag and began to fumble through it, "It's my phone."

After digging to the bottom, she extracted a shiny new iphone.

"You've got an iphone?" Cindy asked.

"What? Just because I'm a gypsy you think I can't have nice things?"

"No . . no. I didn't mean . . . "

She put the phone to her ear, "Hello, Simza here. Yes . . . yes. I'll be right there."

Putting the phone back in her bag she announced, "I've got to go. I forgot I was supposed to meet my sister thirty minutes ago at The Gypsy Den."

Cindy stood as Simza got up, "I understand. So you're off to the gypsy den, huh? Sounds mysterious - where is it? Hidden away in the mountains somewhere?"

Simza cast a disparaging look her way, "What? Are you kidding me? It's a coffee house over in Costa Mesa . . . you've been watching too many movies!"

Simza hugged her once more, reiterated her warning to be careful and she made her way out the dining room door to her camper.

Cindy watched through the window as the old gypsy pulled onto Marine Avenue and smiled when it dawned on her that this was the first time Simza had come and gone without it costing her anything - but as she turned around, she realized that all the salt and pepper shakers were missing in the dining room.

"Gypsies," she mumbled.

Cindy decided she'd better check on Charmaine who was last seen crying on the phone in back. As she entered the office, she found a far more composed Charmaine drying her eyes with a tissue.

"Are you o.k., honey?" Cindy asked as she put her arm around her.

"Yeah, I'm o.k."

"What did Bilge say to get you so upset?"

"Oh, he was making fun of me and told me that my idol, Bella Abzug, was dead - which I found out is true. I just called a friend of mine and had her "google" her name for me and she told me it was true - she died in 1998 - and I've been voting for her all this time! Guess he's right - I am an idiot!"

"Did he call you that?"

"Yeah, sort of."

"Well, I'm gonna go give him a piece of my mind - NO ONE talks to my servers that way! No one!"

"No, Cindy, don't. It's not important."

"Oh yes it is. That lard ass sits out there everyday and always manages to say something stupid or inappropriate and I've had it."

"Please don't say anything, Cindy - I'll take care of it - please."

"Well, alright," Cindy said, "but do not let him give you a hard time . . . I mean it."

Cindy smiled and walked back out to the bar. Seeing her, Bilge yelled out, "Where the hell've you been? People are getting thirsty around here!"

Cindy was about to unload on him when suddenly the door from the kitchen swung open wildly and slammed against the cabinet next to it. Out stormed an angry and determined Charmaine.

Crossing over in front of the bar and right into the bloated face of Bilge - she unleashed her tornadic fury.

"Listen, you! Who the hell do you think you are spouting orders to her and making fun of me - you beached whale!" Her unbridled wrath nearly knocked him off his barstool.

"You're a fat, disgusting, ignorant, misogynistic son of a . . . son of a . . "

Cindy stood by thinking, "say it, girl, come on - say it."

"son of a . . "

Confused, Cindy thought, "just say it!"

"You son of a GUN!" Charmaine blurted out as she turned and ran crying back into the office.

"Son of a gun?" Cindy thought as she turned and followed her in back.

The entire bar sat for a moment in stunned silence then Bilge spoke up, "Did she say something about a massage?"

Bucky shook his head and replied, "She called you a misogynist, you moron."

TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR ANOTHER EXCITING EPISODE OF MY V.I.!