Episode 4

MY V.I.
(a soap opera)


Trudy and Chrystal stared into an empty drawer trying to figure out where Chrystal's cash had gone while Charmaine sat at the bar pouring her heart out to Cindy who was practicing the art of passive listening and cleaning at the same time.

"Well, that was six years ago. Then I met Scoots."

"Scoots?" Cindy asked. "Well, his real name was Gaylord but I called him 'My Li'l Scoots'."

"Wow. I guess if I had to choose between Gaylord and Scoots I'd have to go with Scoots too," Cindy replied.

"Yeah, he was real special."

"O.k., so what happened to . . . Scoots?"

"Well . . . he had one little problem. He was a cross-dresser and I couldn't take it."

"I can understand that," Cindy added.

"He got real mad because I couldn't just accept it. He called me a . . a . . um. ."

"A homophobe?"

"No, no not that. He wasn't gay. I guess you could say I'm a 'homelyophobe' cause he made a real ugly woman and I couldn't stand to look at him."

Cindy, now curious, couldn't help but ask, "Did he wear your clothes?"

"Oh no . . . see, he was not a normal cross-dresser. He liked to dress up like famous women from history."

"WHAT?"

"I'm serious. You know like: Eleanor Roosevelt, Amelia Earhart or Queen Victoria."

"Are YOU kidding me?" Cindy asked.

"No, Cindy, I'm not. And . . . well, it got so bad that . . well, it was really those twenty eight days of Betty Ford that finally did it for me. I just had to get out!"

"He went to Betty Ford for treatment?"

"Oh, no. He spent twenty eight days dressed as Betty Ford. I'm sorry; I just couldn't look at that anymore!"

........................................................................BETTY FORD

....................................................................."SCOOTS" McNEALY TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR ANOTHER EXCITING EPISODE OF MY V.I. !