Episode 34

MY V.I.

(a soap opera)

Sky emerged from Baycrest Liquor with his cigarettes and a pack of Slim Jims to find Trixie gone.

As he looked in the window of the empty car a voice called out from across the parking l0t.

"Hey, Abdul! Over here!"

It was Quagmire and he'd been instructed to watch for Sky and direct him over to the limousine.

With great caution and his bedsheets flapping in the breeze; Sky made his way over.

"My name's not Abdul," he informed Quagmire as he looked in the Mercedes where he found Mary and Trixie in the back seat talking fashion.

"Love the shoes," Trixie said to Mary.

"These?" Mary asked as she twisted her feet from side to side. "They're Italian; 'TiramiShoes.'

"Well, I just love them!" Trixie squealed.

As the two of them realized Sky was standing outside the car, Trixie called out, "Hi, sweetie - did you get your cigarettes?"

Mary smiled and extended her hand, "Hello. I'm Mary and judging by the way you're dressed I'm betting you smoke Camels."

Sky shook her hand and looked at Trixie, "Yes, I got my cigarettes . . ." then looked back at Mary, " . . and; NO, I don't smoke Camels or even ride them for that matter."

Sky was surprised that Mary did not recognize him as she'd waited on him at the V.I. many times before - perhaps his diguise was more effective than he'd first thought.

Quagmire walked to the back of the car to finish putting away the jack and the flat tire while Mary opened the door and invited Sky to join her and Trixie in the back of the limousine.

"Come on, honey," Trixie said. "Doesn't Mary have the coolest car?!

Sky was reticent and Mary sensed it.


"What A-rab wouldn't want to ride in one of these?" Mary asked.

"I'm not an A-rab - this is a costume," Sky insisted.

Mary ignored his response and instead, grabbed for his other purchase.

"Oh baby! Are those Slim Jims?"

Sky pulled the package away from her reach.

"HEY! Hands off my processed meat sticks!"

Mary folded her arms and stuck out her lower lip like a pouting child and then giggled, "Oh you men and your packaged meat! You keep it all to yourself and never want to share. Come on, honey, get in and we'll go for a ride!"

Now it was Sky's turn to act like a child as he folded his arms, turned his head and barked, "NO! I don't want to."

Trixie was growing irritated by Sky's unseemly behavior and decided it was time to set him straight.

"I'll be right back," she said to Mary as she exited the car. Walking around the back she called out, "Hank! Get over here!"

Sky was caught off guard by her assertiveness and high-tailed it over to meet her.

"Yes, Trix - what is it?"

Trixie grabbed him by the front of his shirt and yanked him toward her until they were face to face.

"Listen you Bedouin blow-hard! This chick is awesome and she's got a bitchin' car. And, if she had bigger hair I'd want to be just like her. Now, she wants us to go for a ride with her and we're going . . . GOT IT?"

Sky looked like a scolded child as he replied, "But . . I thought we were going to Mimi's and then dancing."

Trixie released her death grip and began to straighten his shirt.

"There's plenty of time for that, sweetheart, and if we play our cards right, perhaps we can do those things in this car . . are ya feelin' me?"

Sky stared at her for a moment as he processed, 'are ya feelin' me?' Where, exactly, did that come from, he wondered, and then he smiled and said, "O.k., you groovy chick - whatever you say."

Trixie clapped her hands, jumped up and down and threw her arms around him as she squealed, "Oh, goody!"

"O.k., o.k. Let's get going if we're going," Sky said as he pulled away from Trixie and opened the limousine door for her.

Trixie began to enter the limo then suddenly looked back and asked, "Do you really think I'm groovy?"

Sky smiled and replied, "You're the grooviest. Now get in there!"

Trixie giggled and climbed in back as Sky followed her and sat in the jump seat.

He was immediately startled by Mary who seemed completely unfazed by the fact that he and Trixie had entered the car while she had a tube of Testor's model glue up to her nose; and after several big whiffs, she placed the cap back on the tube and put it in her purse.

Trixie's reaction was quite different as she dug through her purse and pulled out the tip of a finger nail.

"Oh, Mary is that glue? I broke a nail earlier; may I borrow that for a moment?"

"Sure, sweetie," Mary said as she retrieved the glue from her bag and handed it to her.

Sky watched in silent awe as this peculiar exchange took place and only looked away as Quagmire opened the front door, climbed into the driver's seat and fired up the engine.

Looking back, he found Mary staring at him intensely.

"Hey, don't I know you from somewhere? You look real familiar."

Sky held his breath as he thought about how to respond. Mary would know him as Sky, not Hank and he desparately wanted to avoid having to explain that conflict. He decided on a clumsy distraction tactic as he pointed out the window.

"There's Trixie's car," he said as they passed Michelle's Sentra.

Mary turned and looked.

"Oh, that's nice," she responded and then looking at Trixie she asked, "Are you an artist?"

Trixie smiled proudly and replied, "Why, yes. I am a purveyor of the art of dance."

"That's nice, but you're a painter; right?"

Neither Trixie nor Sky understood what she meant.

"Trixie is a truly gifted dancer," Sky replied, "but as far as I know, she doesn't paint; do you, honey?"

"No I don't . Why do you ask, Mary?"

Mary pointed out the window.

"Your license plate. It says 'lacquer love' and I just assumed that meant you were a painter."

Trixie was confused but Sky could not control his laughter.

TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR ANOTHER EXCITING EPISODE OF MY V.I.!