Episode 31

MY V.I.
(a soap opera)




Mary directed Quagmire to make a left turn off of Pacific Coast Highway onto Riverside Drive in Newport Beach.

"Take me to that park, Quagmire. You know the one - it's beyond the post office and it looks out over the bay. We're way too early so let's kill some time."

"Yes, Moo Moo," Quagmire replied.

He called her Moo Moo for no particular reason other than he liked it and she never objected. As they approached the park he hopped the curb and pulled the sanguine behemoth onto the grass.

"This is perfect; stop right here," Mary called out.

Quagmire stopped the car and turned off the engine.

"I've got an idea." Mary squealed as she unstrapped the Berretta pistol from her thigh. Opening her purse, she pulled out a long black silencer and attached it to the end of the gun. She rolled down the rear passenger side window and scanned the vast green lawn and surrounding scrubbery.

"DIE VERMIN!" she yelled as she pointed the gun out the window and fired four shots; killing two ground squirrels.

"Ah yes . . . the thrill of the hunt," she sighed to Quagmire. "Too bad I'm vegetarian. Why don't you take those home to your wife?"

Quagmire retrieved a plastic bag from the glove box and got out of the car to collect the dead rodents. He would take them home to his wife, as he always did. She was an elderly shut-in and a passionate amateur taxidermist.

"Well, that was fun," Mary mumbled to herself and then leaned out the window and yelled to Quagmire, "Come on! Get the lead out, shake a leg, get a move on - let's go!"

Quagmire bagged the squirrels and scurried back to the limousine.

Meanwhile, over in Costa Mesa; Trixie Louise and Sky were racing toward Michelle's apartment - laughing and singing to the radio.

Sky reached over and turned the volume down.

"Hey! What're you doing?" Trixie asked.

"Well, I just wanted to decide on someplace to go. You want to go dancing, right?"

"Absolutely! I was made for dancing."

"O.k. So, why don't we stop by your place and you change into the best dress you've got 'cause I'm gonna take you to the fanciest dance place in town." Sky replied.

"The fanciest place in town?" Trixie swooned.

"Of course! Only the best for my sugar-puss."

"Oh, that sounds dreamy! What's it called?" Trixie asked.

"Well. Have you ever heard of Pierce Street Annex?"


TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR ANOTHER EXCITING EPISODE OF MY V.I.!